Keeping Your Marriage Fresh With the "Five Senses Rule"

"And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): verily in that are Signs for those who reflect."

(Quran: Ar-Rum 21)

1. Sight- Always beautify yourself. Make sure your clothing is nice, your hair is done and your makeup looks just right (if you wear it).

2. Hearing- Always greet your hubby with a sweet voice and leave any bad news for later. Never speak in a loud, boisterous manner. Don't try to engage is gossip or trivial conversations. Keep positive, Islamic conversations going and things that your hubby has interest in. Leave the other stuff for your girlfriends.

3. Touch- Make sure your body, your bedsheets are nice to the touch. This could mean shaving your legs or using a nice moisturizer. Using downy softener sheets or changing to Egyptian cotton or satin.

4. Smell- Never have a bad smell in the house. While you cook, be sure to open the windows and afterwards be sure to light a candle, burn oils or incense, or spray a room freshener. Also, change your clothes if you have been cooking meat or onions. Make sure you keep up your hygiene and make a habit of brushing your teeth and spraying perfume on the back of your neck, behind your ears and any other place you can think of before bed. ;-)

5. Taste- Try new recipes for variety and master the dishes he enjoys the most. Be sure that dinner is always ready before he makes it home. No man likes to come home on an empty stomach only to find nothing waiting for him on the stove.
what things would YOU add to this? what do YOU do to keep your hubby happy???

Asalaamu alaikum

Nadira & Najwa

The Islamic Journey to Motherhood... Part 1

For those of you who know, my husband and I recently had our first child. Throughout my pregnancy and even before my pregnancy, I started to learn more and more about the Islamic traditions regarding childbirth. There are so many beautiful traditions and sunnah regarding this sacred time. I decided to share a few things that I learned to other Muslimahs out there. This series will be broken down into 4 parts: Conception, During Pregnancy, Labor and Delivery and Early Infancy.

Part 1: Conception

There are many things you can do to help to conceive a child. First and most importantly, it is necessary that you and your husband are good, practicing Muslims, because this is the foundation of the family and will help you to be in the right physical and emotional state for conceiving. You should both be observing the five daily prayers, fasting, and giving zakah according to your ability. Your income and that of your husband's should be from what is permissible, and not from the haraam, such as interest, or the sale of alcohol or pork.

As far as specific du'as for conceiving, there is no "magic bullet" du'a, of course, but here are some beneficial supplications from the Holy Qur'an:

"Rabbi la tadharni faradan wa anta khayru al-warithin."

Translation: "My Lord! Leave me not solitary (childless) You are the best of inheritors." (Al-Anbiya 89)

"Rabbi hab li min ladunka dhurriyyatan tayyibah innaka sami`ud du`a'

Translation: "My Lord! Grant me from You upright offspring, for You hear all prayers" (Al `Imran 38)

Recite these du'as frequently, and also make a habit of remembering Allah throughout your day with "subhanAllah" "alhamdulillah", and "Allahu akbar" and other authentic du'as.

There are also some "worldy" things you can do to increase the chance of conception. The first is to enjoy marital intimacy frequently. A woman is only fertile for a few days out of the month, so if you are intimate often, you have a better chance to conceive. You can purchase ovulation prediction kits (which use your body's temperature to determine when you might be most fertile) and you can keep track of your menstrual cycle to determine your fertile times. Also, RELAX! Marital intimacy should be enjoyable for its own sake, and if you are enjoying one another and not stressing over "having" to get pregnant, you will actually increase your chances, as stress hormones can interfere with pregnancy. There are many stories about women who finally got pregnant after they "gave up" trying and just resigned themselves to not having children.

Make sure also that you are not doing anything that will harm your health. If either of you smokes, stop now. The toxins from tobacco products can badly affect the man's sperm, damaging it and leading to infertility and potential defects in the fetus. Eat good healthy food, avoid processed foods, and maintain a healthy body weight. Exercise moderately. You should take a good woman's multivitamin or prenatal vitamin and extra folic acid to avoid a specific birth defect. Be sure to check the ingredients for gelatin prior to purchase.

As you see, there is a lot you can do to give yourself the best chance of conceiving. One thing to caution you about: you might receive superstitious advice from family members or acquaintances. Avoid any non-Islamic advice and hold to the Qur'an and Sunnah. InshaAllah, you will be blessed with a child who will be well-mannered, beautiful, intelligent, healthy and pious.

Before intercourse, it is sunnah to recite a du'a (prayer) to protect any offspring from Shaitan (the devil) such as the following:

"Bismillāh Allāhumma jannibnash-shaytān wa jannibish-shaytāna mā razaqtanā"

Translation: In the Name of Allāh! O Allāh! Protect me from satan and protect what You bestow upon us from satan.

If this is recited prior to intercourse and a child is conceived, it is destined that Shaitan will never be able to harm it.

Once a woman has confirmed her pregnancy, she should express her gratitude before Allah Ta'ala as this is indeed a great bounty of Allah Ta'ala. Gratitude may be expressed in the following dua:

"Allahummâ Lakal Hamdû Wa Lakash-Shukru"


Translation: O Allah! All praises are due to You alone and I express my gratitude unto You alone (for granting me the honour of motherhood)

www.islamicanswers.com


Asalaamu alaikum

Najwa

"The Early Morning After..."

Okay, so this one is for all of us married girls out there... You and your hubby had *fun* last night and now it is time for Fajr prayer... So, you get up, take a shower, make wudu and make salat. Cool... all is well right? You have done your duties for your husband and your Lord... now you can go on about your day. Well, not so fast there, sister! Did you take a shower or did you make a ghusl? A ghusl is the purification that is obligatory after intercourse.

How Ghusl Is Performed:

According to the practice of the Prophet, upon whom be peace, the correct manner of performing ghusl is:

1. wash both hands three times,

2. wash the private parts,

3. make a complete wudu (ablution) like the one made for prayer.

4. rub water through one's hair three times, letting the water reach down to the roots of the hair, (yes, girls...this means ruining that perfect hairdo!)

5. pour water over the entire body, begining with the right side, then the left, washing under the armpits, inside the ears, inside the navel, inside the toes and whatever part of the body can be easily rubbed. This account is based on the following report from 'Aishah:

"When the Prophet, upon whom be peace, took his bath after
sexual intercourse, he would begin by washing his hands. Then he would
pour water from his right hand to his left and wash his sexual organs,
make the ablution for prayer, take some water and put his fingers to the
roots of his hair to the extent that he sees that the skin is wet, then
pour water over his head three times and then over the rest of his
body." -Related by al-Bukhari and Muslim.

Ghusl For Women:

A woman performs ghusl just as a man does, except that if she has plaited hair she does not have to undo it, provided that the water can reach the roots of her hair. Umm Salamah said,

"O Messenger of Allah, I am a woman who has closely plaited hair on my head. Do
I have to undo them for ghusl after sexual intercourse?" He said, "No, it is
enough for you to throw three handfuls of water on your head and then pour water
over yourself. After doing this, you shall be cleansed." Related by Ahmad,
Muslim and at-Tirmidhi

So, considering the fact that we all have to wash our hair COMPLETELY with water on "the early morning after", what should we, as Muslimahs do with our hair? Should we blow hundreds of dollars on our hair like many of us may have done during our single days just to ruin it the same night? Do we always have a low-maintenance (and less sexy) ponytail? Do we shave our heads? Anyhow, that is OUR rant for the day... What is YOUR ghusl rant?

Najwa & Nadira

Muslimah2Muslimah

Muslimah2Muslimah Book of the Month: My Advice to the Women

Masha' Allah this book is an excellent read filled with plenty of advice and daleel(proof) to back it up. This book is written by a woman, Shaykhah Umm 'Abbdillaah al-Waadi"iyyah, so it's advice coming from a sister's perspective which is always helpful. In this book you will find information about traveling, backbiting, rights, maintaining family relations with non-Muslims and plenty more!!!! The last part of the book has Q & A as well as a glossary of many common terms.

Exert from My Advice to the Women

"Who will be those who cultivate the women, for indeed, that is the secret behind the failures in the east? The mother is a school; who if properly prepared can produce an entire generation upon a sound foundation.
The mother is like a beautiful garden; who when properly preserved with shyness my produce many flowers.
The mother is the teacher of teachers, whose many important actions could fill the horizon"

Book Information

Tarbiyyah Bookstore Publishing & Distributions
www.tarbiyyahbookstore.com
info@tarbiyyahbookstore.com

***It is a very popular book and often out of stock but insha' Allah because it is so popular you may know a sister who has a copy

Happy Reading!!!!!!
Nadira & Najwa
Muslimah2Muslimah

What Do You See When You Look At Me?

What do you see when you look at me,

Do you see someone limited, or someone free,

All some people can do is just look and stare,

Simply because they cant see my hair,

Others think I am controlled and uneducated,

They are so thankful that they are not me,

Because they would like to remain ‘free’,

Well free isn’t exactly the word I would’ve used,

Describing women who are cheated on and abused,

They think that I do not have opinions or voice,

They think that being hooded isn’t my choice,

They think that the hood makes me look caged,

That my husband or dad is totally outraged,

All they can do is look at me in fear,

And in my eye there is a tear,

Not because I have been stared at or made fun of,

But because people are ignoring the One up above,

On the Day of Judgment they will be the fools,

Because they were too ashamed to play by their own rules,

Maybe the guys won’t think I am a cutie,

But at least I am filled with more inner beauty,

See I have declined from being a guy’s toy,

Because I won’t let my self be controlled by a boy,

Real men are able to appreciate my mind,

And aren’t busy looking at my behind,

Hooded girls are the ones really helping the Muslim cause,

The role that we play definitely deserves applause,

I will be recognized because I am smart and bright,

And because some people are inspired by my sight,

The smart ones are attracted by my tranquility,

In the back of their mind they wish they were me,

We have the strength to do what we think is right,

Even if it means putting up a life long fight,

You see we are not controlled by a mini skirt and tight shirt,

We are given only respect, and never treated like dirt,

So you see, we are the ones that are free and liberated,

We are not the ones that are sexually terrorized and violated,

We are the ones that are free and pure,

We’re free of STD ’s that have no cure,

So when people ask you how you feel about the hood,

Just sum it up by saying ‘baby its all good’.

-Author Unknown

Bridesmaids and Music at a Muslim Wedding???

We have been to many Islamic weddings and we have seen many different themes. We see the bride dressed in Indian dresses, traditional white gowns, Abayas, African gowns, some with the woman absent for the nikah (ceremony) and present for the walimah (reception/ marriage feast). The groom usually goes with the flow of the theme: tuxedo and tie for the traditional western theme, kurta suits for the Indian theme, Grande Buba for the African theme, and a thobe for the low-key Islamic theme.

Okay, so the question is; Which way is the Islamic way and how much time, energy and money should we put into our weddings? Should we have bridesmaids? Should we have groomsmen? Should we have a first dance and music? Should we provide alcohol for our non-Muslim guests? Should my dowry be big or small?

The Arabic word Walima (marriage feast) is derived from the root word Walam, which literally means to gather and assemble. The Arabs used it for a meal or feast where people were invited and gathered. Later, the term became exclusive for the wedding banquet.

The Arabs used different terms for the various feasts they enjoyed. For example: al-I’zar on the occasion of a child’s circumcision, al-Khurs for a marriage not ending in divorce, al-Wakira on building a new home, al-Naqi’ah when a traveller returns home, al-Aqiqah on the seventh day after childbirth, al-Ma’duba for a general meal without any specific reason, etc.

The marriage feast (walima) is a Sunna of our beloved Prophet Muhammad (Allah bless him & give him peace). It is an outward expression of gratitude and pleasure and a great means of publicising the marriage, which has been greatly encouraged.

Sayyiduna Anas ibn Malik (Allah be pleased with him) narrates that the Prophet Muhammad(Allah bless him & give him peace) saw a yellow mark on Abdur Rahman ibn Awf (Allah be pleased with) and said: “What’s this?” He replied: “I have married a woman with the dowry being gold to the weight of a date-stone.” The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) said: “May Allah bless you (in your marriage), perform a Walima, even if it is only with a goat.” (Sahih al-Bukhari,no. 4872)

The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) himself provided a Walima after many of his marriages. He provided meat and bread on the occasion of his marriage with Zaynab bint Jahsh (Allah be pleased with her), Hays (a type of sweet-dish cooked with dates, cheese & butter) on the occasion of his marriage with Safiyya (Allah be pleased with her) and barley on another occasion. (See: Sahih al-Bukhari & Sahih Muslim)

Thus, it is a Sunna and strongly recommended to have a Walima.

The Time of Walima:

The scholars have disagreed as to the correct time of this Walima. There are many opinions. For example:

1) At the time of the marriage contract,

2) After the marriage contract and before consummation of marriage,

3) At the time of the wedding procession (bride leaving for her husband’s house) (Ibn Hajar, Fath al-Bari, 9/287)

However, the majority of the scholars (jumhur) are of the opinion that Walima is a meal that is prepared after the marriage has been consummated. This was the practice of the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace), as explicitly mentioned in one narration.

Sayyiduna Anas ibn Malik (Allah be pleased with him) narrates that he was a boy of ten when the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) migrated to Madina. (He added): “My mother and aunts used to urge me to serve the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) regularly, thus I served him for ten years. When the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) passed away, I was twenty years old, and I knew about the order of Hijab more than anyone else, when it was revealed. It was revealed for the first time when the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) had consummated his marriage with Zainab bint Jahsh (Allah be pleased with her). The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) in the morning was a bridegroom, and he invited the people to a banquet. So they came, ate, and then all left except a few who remained with the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) for a long time….. (Sahih al-Bukhari, no. 4871)

Sayyiduna Anas (Allah be pleased with him) said: “The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) consummated his marriage with a woman (Zainab), so he sent me to invite people for a meal.” (Sahih al-Bukhari, no. 4875)

The great Hadith master (hafidh), Ibn Hajar al-Asqalani (Allah have mercy on him) states:

“The Hadith of Anas (quoted above) is clear in determining that Walima is considered to be after the consummation of marriage.” (Fath al-Bari, 9/199. Also see: I’la al-Sunan, vol. 10, p. 11)

It is stated in al-Fatawa al-Hindiyya:

“The marriage banquet (walima) is a Sunna and there is great reward in it. And it is carried out when the marriage is consummated.” (al-Fatawa al-Hindiyya, 5/343)

Having said this, scholars mention that there is also scope in following the other opinions, thus if one had a Walima before consummation, it is hoped that one will gain the reward of Sunna.

How many days?
The Hanafi jurists (fuqaha) are of the opinion that, a banquet up to two days will be considered to be a Walima, after which it will no longer be considered a Walima.

It is stated in al-Fatawa al-Hindiyya:

“There is nothing wrong in inviting people the next day after consummation or the day after. After that, marriage and Walima celebrations will come to an end.” (5/343)

It has also been reported from the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) that he stated: “Walima on the first day is confirmed (haq), and on the second day, it is good (ma’ruf), and on the third day, it is showing off.” (Sunan Abu Dawud, no. 3738)

Although scholars mention that if there is a need, such as not being able to invite everybody on one day, then it will not be wrong to invite them on separate days.

Simplicity:

Finally, it should be remembered that, the simpler the Walima (and the marriage ceremony as a whole) is kept, the better it will be. At times, people spend thousands upon thousands in feeding people, a sum which can be used for other indispensable needs of the Muslims. And if the intention behind spending such an amount is to show-off, then this will be regarded a grave sin.

The idea here is to feed people with sincerity and simplicity. If one feeds people the simplest of meals but from the heart, then that is far better (and the food is also more enjoyable) than feeding them quality food, where the intention is not so sincere.

Sayyida A’isha (Allah be pleased with her) narrates that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) said: “The most blessed marriage (nikah) is the one with the least expenses.” (al-Bayhaqi in his Shu’ab al-Iman & Mishkat al-Masabih).

Excerpts taken from: Muhammad ibn Adam al-Kawthari Darul Iftaa

Najwa& Nadira

Muslimah2Muslimah