Sunday, July 11, 2010

Ask M2M: What age to get married?

This week's Ask M2M question is from Sherika.

Q: What do you think is a great age to get married? I was curious because I am 18 years old and I start University this fall as a freshman. I sometimes worry that I may not wait long enough to my wedding night. I do not know what to do. I am a very independent-minded girl and I want to to depend on my own for a while; however, I do not want to fall into sin and make any mistakes. I will be studying in a new city, so I do not know how the Muslim men are there. The ones I do know are not faithful at all. So, what should I do? Also, what could I do to keep sin away form me and off my mind?

A: Shukran for your question Sherika. Marriage is very important and alhamdulilah it completes half of our deen. We understand the desire to complete school and be an "independent" woman, however, if you feel that you would fall into sin, we advise you to get married as soon as possible. If you have found someone who would be a good match for you, you should marry them if you feel you would not be able to wait until you get married. Three things that you rush into to are marriage, shahaadah and burial.

If you do decide to get married, it is also important to mention that marriage is a major decision and it's not something to be taken lightly. If you get married you will have to be in school (which is a lot to handle by itself), be a wife and maybe even a mother. This would be a lot for any woman to deal with especially a young woman such as yourself.

We advise that you make istakhara prayer for guidance on whether or not to get married soon and also to fast in order to help you lower your gaze.

"O young people! Whoever among you can marry, should marry, because it helps him lower his gaze and guard his modesty (i.e. his private parts from committing illegal sexual intercourse etc.), and whoever is not able to marry, should fast, as fasting diminishes his sexual power." (Bukhari)

As usual share your comments, opinions and/or naseeha(advice)!!!

Asalaamu alaikum
Najwa & Nadira


  1. yes. i agree that she should get married if she isn't able to control herself. but other than that talking about it wid fellow sisters will improve her mental isolation and make her mind busy too. there r manyy others like her. sometimes talking about a 'burden' reduces it a lot!

  2. well getting married isnt the only solution she could get more involved with teh muslim community at her university, join her school's Muslim Student Association and develop strong bonds with muslim sisters. With those 3 factors she wont even have desires of committing sin because she could be surrounded hopefully by pious sisters. Lots adn lots of fasting helps too.

  3. I really like this advice because that is the exact question and phase I'm going through (I'm 18 myself). My solution has to an extent been talking to a muslim brother in another state I am planning on going to school in in the fall. I'm not sure if this is Islamicly correct but so far I feel we have been keeping it kosher.
    I am just happy to have the Muslim support in a community where I would otherwise have it.


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