Saturday, February 28, 2009

Salaams, darling! Meet your new co-wife!?!?!

Last night my hubby's friend came over for dinner and after the usual conversation and after-dinner tea, the friend wanted for hubby to go to a wedding to be a witness. I thought;

"A wedding??? At 11pm on a Tuesday???"

So hubby leaves the house with said friend and gets me thinking. What the heck is this man doing getting married at this ungodly hour on a whim? Now mind you, said groom-to-be already has two other wives. One over seas and the other here in the states, who lives with him. Okay, so my next question was;

"Are wife #1 and wife #2 aware of their beloved husband's decision to marry #3?"

Now my thing is this: Okay, we all know that a man can have up to four wives... however, this got me to thinking that some men really abuse this right. They fail to maintain some of these women in the right ways and they are always talking about looking for another wife. I may be wrong but I don't think that is right. How is a married man "looking" for another wife??? I thought that polygamy was a situation in which a man marries due to a circumstance in which there is a sister who may be widowed of divorced and has no money or place to go with her and her children. Or perhaps a woman who is interested in a married man and vice versa and the man decides to marry the woman because of his interest.

However, I doubt that a man who is constantly on the prowl for another woman is allowed in Islam. And another thing, some men even go so far as to hang out with and go on dates with different women with the excuse that they are allowed to have another wife, so why not get to know as many women as possible to look for the perfect #2, #3 or #4? To me, this behavior is absurd and trifling. I think that any man who has respect for his wife, children or himself would not carry on like some single non-Muslim teenager.

If my husband ever decided to go and get a second wife (which is highly doubtful), I would at least expect him to come to me and let me know about his decision... It's only right in my eyes... Anyhow, that's enough of MY ranting... What do YOU guys think?



***For the record we at Muslimah2Muslimah, belive that polygyny is sunnah and is a beautiful part of Islam, we are in no way saying that it shouldn't be praticed. The point here is that it would be nice to included in the process***


  1. Grrr...You hit it right on dear sister! Men really abuse their permission of having up to 4 wives. Many man have 2-3 wives, but often without the knowledge of the other wives. They are supposed to ASK the first wife, not run around in secrecy.

  2. some men are just down-right plain GREEDY!

    thats all it is.. GREED!

  3. I really hate these player men who do this too. As if gaining a future wife is reason to disobay Gods commnad to lower the gaze. Authubillah.

  4. I so agree with AMW. It's so sad! I feel so bad for the women! I just can't imagine...!

  5. Bismillaah

    Assalaamu Alaikum Warahmatuhlahi Wabrakatuh!

    For more information on poygany please visit:

  6. Salaams sistas,
    I think some times guys just take advantage of this permission that they have been given, i wonder if they even think about the condition of if they can treat their wives fairly?

  7. salam.. just to let you know.. not all poly marriages are negative.. even if there are four wives...

    you dont have to feel sorry for women in plural marriage, especially if it is their choice.

  8. salam sistas,
    I believe that it is only right for a husband to talk it over with his wife. What he must realize that in order for there to be harmony in the household then everyone must be on the same page. I also believe that not all plural marriage is negative, it could be positive everyone involved.

  9. Assalaamu Alaikum Warahmatuhlahi Wabrakatuh Sisters! I'am not married however I can say this with nothing but the truth a man can have four wives not just based on conditions. The Shar'iah says Oh men a women that is part of Polygamy is like a man going to Jihad. Not many people can handle it. What you want for yourself want for your sister,dont let the westren world blind you don't let this society that's anti-polygamy and pro gay marriage decieve you into thinking that it's un-natural.

  10. Asalam Alekuim dear sister's,
    I am looking to get married next year, Insha Allah, and my future husband and I have often discussed plural marriage. As a new revert, I have for years found this aspect of Islam fasinating, and take everything I learn as an adventure. My fiance wants to practice plural marriage someday, and knowing this before hand, has really helped me prepare for the future. He has given me permission to help him find someone, may Allah also help me think for the best, not help for the worst.. :)
    Wa Salam

  11. there so many singles women,who are tired by waiting to get married,it's hard in emotional,and physical and for tht they have sex out of the marriage,the financial part,and serious love,right person,it's getting more complicated in modern society,thus Islam was wise to give a chance to all women to have part of love,family,stabilty,women are responsible to protect their marriage by making it easier for their men,dont look at it from the narrowed view for all smart selfish spoiled women,always alone,it has to be all for the sake of Allah

  12. As salamu alaikum, my dear sisters
    I am a brother who is in a monogamous marriage. My wife has no desire for sex. Unfortunately she may eventually need a hysterectomy because her uterus is collasping. I can not afford another wife and she is threatening to divorce me if I think about it. I don't want to divorce her because we have very young children. What can I do to get my rights? She acts like she doesn't know what I am talking about when I try to discuss our lack of intimacy. Please make du'a. What do you sister think?

  13. Asalamu alaikum sisters..!! first off let me say that ma'shallah your videos are soo inspiring..!! i watch them like everyday....i dont have any muslimah friends considering i just moved, so i watch your videos to stay motivated in my choice of being a muslimah...i am a convert/revert. Been muslim for 3 years and married alhumdulilah....Anyway yes i agree with what you said some brothas take it to far . i try to get my hubby to see this . i know what the Quran says that they can have a up to four wives but he didnt say they HAD to brothers take that and run with it..pretty much everything you have said in your blog is the same thing ive been sayin ..


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