Okay, So He's An Attractive, Single Muslim Brother...

I wonder if he is single or is he married? Is he a match for me? Wouldn't we make such a dashing Muslim couple!?!?

This a dilemma many single Muslimahs have quite often. However, society tells us that the man should approach the woman, or in Islamic standards, the Wali. What about the Muslimahs who spot a brother she is interested in? Do they just sit back and pray that he makes the move?

During the days of the Prophet Muhammad (SAW), women approached men quite often for marriage. As a matter of fact, it is noted that when he was 25 years old, Muhammad (SAW)received a marriage proposal from a wealthy Meccan woman, Khadījah bint al-Khuwaylid, whose affairs he was conducting.

But nowadays it seems rather taboo for a sister to approach a brother regarding marriage. So, what is a sister to do???

What are YOUR opinions on this? Would you approach a brother you were interested in? If so, how would you go about doing it? Would you send your wali after him?

Asalaamu alaikum

Najwa & Nadira

Muslimah2Muslimah

Muslim Boyfriend?????

Dating in Islam is an oxymoron, there is no such thing! It's like saying frozen hot chocolate. There are no boyfriends or girlfriends as far as Islam is concerned. This doesn't mean that it doesn't happen this just means that it shouldn't. So I know your like, if I can't date him how do I really get to know the brother that I want to marry?

Well I'm glad you asked, alhumdulilah Allah(swt) has given us guidelines to follow so that we can keep everything on a lawful note. So first things first make sure that you have your standards and know what you are willing to except in your mind first. If you meet a brother and he asks you for YOUR number, he might not be the brother for you. You want a brother who wants to do things the right way and has enough respect for you and himself from jump that he wouldn't even try you like that. It seems simple an innocent, just a phone conversation but even a conversation can lead you into things that you shouldn't do. You talk to the brother, you crack jokes, you start to feel comfortable with him and then he says "why don't we hang out and meet up sometime?". Now this can lead up to you spending time alone with him. If a brother is trying to spend time alone you, it's not a good look.


Whenever a man is alone with a women the shaytan makes the third. (Tirmidhi)


A Muslim man is still a man and eventually you may end up doing things that you know you shouldn't. Avoid this situation and you won't be tempted or end up making a decision that you regret. This is why you should have your Wali in place. Your Wali truly is your protection. If your a revert like me, your Wali can be your Imam or trusted brother in your community. He keeps that brother in line and makes sure that everything is done on the up and up.Not only that but we are women and once you start to like a brother you might catch feelings and not notice some of the red flags. Your Wali is looking out for your best interest and is not going to be blinded by how cute the brother is.

You can have a "sit down" with a brother with you Wali present and ask all of the very important questions(we posted a blog with plenty of questions to ask and questions that you should be prepared to answer). When you are asking these question make sure that you are being honest. This is your way of getting to know each other. Don't just say what you think the brother wants to hear. If he asks you if you can cook, don't say yes if can't even boil water! When you get married he's going to expect you to follow through on what you said. Don't say you wear overgarment and niqab if you don't because he's gonna want to know where all that is when you leave the house without hijab. Be honest so that both know what you are signing up for because once your married you have both signed on that dotted line.

Now if you want to have the "dating" experience you can out as long as you are chaperoned. This means you have your Wali present or someone who is looking out for your best interest. Maybe you feel uncomfortable going out with your father present, you could have another married couple, your brother, etc. chaperon your "date". What you shouldn't do is go out with your homegirl and her boyfriend and call them your chaperons. If they're not doing what they are supposed to be doing, how are they going to make sure that you are? Consider going to public places like restaurants, art exhibits, parks, places where you know other Muslims will be, etc.

We have to make sure that we think long term, dating is what we see everyday around us and it can be tempting. But in the long run you want to make sure you are doing things that are beneficial to you in this life and in the hereafter. The blessings that you will receive, inshallah, from doing things the right way will be well worth the wait.

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Asalaamu alaikum
Nadira
Muslimah2Muslimah

Questions to Ask your Potential Husband

This is a list of questions to ask your future spouse, you can pick and choose or ask them all. Also be prepared to answer many of these questions yourself. The most important thing is to be HONEST with yourself and with the brother, so that you both know what your getting into. Don't say yes of course I wear hijab if you don't because he's going to be looking at you crazy if your Not wearing it. KEEP IT 100%!!!!!!!

What are you expectations of marriage?
What are your goals in life? (long and short term)
Identify three things that you want to accomplish in the near future.
Identify three things that you want to accomplish, long term.
Why have you chosen me/other person as a potential spouse?
What is the role of religion in your life now?
Are you a spiritual person?
What is your understanding of an Islamic marriage?
What are you expecting of your spouse, religiously?
What is your relationship between yourself and the Muslims community in your area?
Are you volunteering in any Islamic activities?
What can you offer your zawj (spouse), spiritually?
What is the role of the husband?
What is the role of the wife?
Do you want to practice polygamy?
What is your relationship with your family?
What do you expect your relationship with the family of your spouse to be?
What do you expect your spouses relationship with your family to be?
Is there anyone in your family living with you now?
Are you planning to have anyone in your family live with you in the future?
If, for any reason, my relationship with your family turns sour, what should be done?
Who are your friends? (Identify at least three.)
How did you get to know them?
Why are they your friends?
What do you like most about them?
What will your relationship with them after marriage be?
Do you have friends of the opposite sex?
What is the level of your relationship with them now?
What will be the level of your relationship with them after marriage?
What type of relationship do you want your spouse to have with your friends?
What are the things that you do in your free time?
Do you love to have guests in your home for entertainment?
What are you expecting from your spouse when your friends come to the house?
What is your opinion of speaking other languages in home that I do not understand? (with friends or family)
Do you travel?
How do you spend your vacations?
How do you think your spouse should spend vacations?
Do you read?
What do you read?
After marriage, do you think that you are one to express romantic feelings verbally?
After marriage, do you think that you want to express affection in public?
How do you express your admiration for someone that you know now?
How do you express your feelings to someone who has done a favor for you?
Do you like to write your feelings?
If you wrong someone, how do you apologize?
If someone has wronged you, how do you want (s)he to apologize to you?
How much time passes before you can forgive someone?
How do you make important and less important decisions in your life?
Do you use foul language at home? In public? With family?
Do your friends use foul language?
Does your family use foul language?
How do you express anger?
How do you expect your spouse to express anger?
What do you do when you are angry?
When do you think it is appropriate to initiate mediation in marriage?
When there is a dispute in your marriage, religious or otherwise, how should the conflict get resolved?
Define mental, verbal, emotional and physical abuse.
What would you do if you felt that you had been abused?
Who would you call for assistance if you were being abused?
Do you suffer from any chronic disease or condition?
Are you willing to take a physical exam by a physician before marriage?
What is your understanding of proper health and nutrition?
How do you support your own health and nutrition?
What is you definition of wealth?
How do you spend money?
How do you save money?
How do you think that your use of money will change after marriage?
Do you have any debts now? If so, how are you making progress to eliminate them?
Do you use credit cards?
Do you support the idea of taking loans to buy a new home?
What are you expecting from your spouse financially?
What is your financial responsibility in the marriage?
Do you support the idea of a working wife?
If so, how do you think a dual-income family should manage funds?
Do you currently use a budget to manage your finances?
Who are the people to whom you are financially responsible?
Do you support the idea of utilizing baby sitters and/or maids?
Do you want to have children? If not, how come?
To the best of your understanding, are you able to have children?
Do you want to have children in the first two years of marriage? If not, when?
Do you believe in abortion?
Do you have children now?
What is your relationship with your children now?
What is your relationship with their other parent?
What relationship do you expect your spouse to have with your children and their parent?
What is the best method(s) of raising children?
What is the best method(s) of disciplining children?
How were you raised?
How were you disciplined?
Do you believe in spanking children? Under what circumstances?
Do you believe in public school for your children?
Do you believe in Islamic school for your children?
Do you believe in home schooling for your children?
What type of relationship should your children have with non-Muslim classmates/friends?
Would you send your children to visit their extended family if they lived in another state or country?
What type of relationship do you want your children to have with all their grandparents?
If there are members of my family that are not Muslim, that are of different race or culture, what type of relationship do you want to have with them?


Happy question asking!

Asalaamu alaikum
Nadira & Najwa
Muslimah2Muslimah

Muslimah Perspective: There aren't any good men out there!!

Muslimah Social Lives....avoid the dunya

As muslimahs in the West, some of us are stuck between two worlds, in a sense. We live in a predominantly non-muslim society that enjoys many of the things which are forbidden in Islam. Dating, partying, drinking, doing drugs, fornication, skimpy clothing, explicit lyrics in music, cursing and overall bad behavior has become the norm here in the west. Those of us who were raised in an Islamic household find ourselves loving our religion and knowing the truth, yet reverting to and enjoying the easy, fast life in the West. Those of us who are converts to Islam may find the transition difficult at first and difficult to maintain.

As muslim girls and women, we have even greater expectations then our male counterparts to be the consummate muslim woman in every facet of the word. Meaning we are expected to look, smell, and in some instances even sound like the perfect muslim woman. What I mean by looking like is, of course, the Islamic dress. By smell, I mean some people saying that muslimahs are not allowed to wear perfumes. By sound I am talking about some people's perspective on whether or not a woman should speak quietly or even disguise their voices around men.

When we put all of these things in mind, we now have a woman who has the knowledge of how she should behave in society and how she may desire to behave. Some feel as though as long as they are wearing their khimars that they should be able to go anywhere they please. Also, they feel as though they can date as long as there is no fornication involved and wear wigs on their heads as long as their heads are covered. The prophet(saw) said:

"Allah (swt) has cursed both the Wasilah and the Mustawsilah (meaning the wig-wearer and the wig-maker.

So " covering" your hair with a wig is not an option. Wearing your khimar is not only a source of protection it is also a constant reminder. If you are considering going somewhere are being around people were you can't wear your khimar because it wouldn't be appropriate, then these are the places and people you should avoid.

It's important that we try our best not to get caught up in the dunya. While the clubs and partying may seem tempting, they ultimately lead us further and further away from Allah(swt). Our time in this world is very limited and we will be faced with many tests. The pleasures of the dunya will be very tempting because of the way our society portrays them. In television shows, commercials and magazines these short term pleasures are portrayed as glamorous and the women leading these lives seem happy. This sort of lifestyle will not provide you lasting rewards. Shaytan tempts us with this lifestyle and Allah(swt) has warned us:

" Follow not the footsteps of Shaytan. Verily! He is to you a plain enemy" in Surah
2:208.

Consider options available to you such as hanging out with your girlfriends, going to the movies, going out to eat and attending Islamic functions. There are many outlets for what we may call "halal socializing" which can be found through the Muslim Student Association http://www.msanational.org/ at your local college or university. Also, there is the Islamic Circle Of North America http://www.icna.org/ and The Islamic Society of North America (I.S.N.A.) http://www.isna.net/. Many of our local masjids have plenty of activities for young muslims. Try to be more involved with masjids in your area. This is a great way to meet new muslims in your age range with similar interests. In my opinion I find it is best to socialize with other muslims as opposed to non-muslims for the simple reason that you won't be as tempted to do un-islamic things when you are with muslim peers. In the Qur'an it states:

"O you who believe! Do not take for intimate friends from among others than your
own people, they do not fall short of inflicting loss upon you; they love what distresses you; vehement hatred has already appeared from out of their mouths,
and what their breasts conceal is greater still; indeed, We have made the
communications clear to you, if you will understand." Surah 3:118

Once again sisters, Allah knows best and if we make a sincere effort to follow by the examples of the Sahabiah (rah), He will be pleased with us, inshallah.

Asalaamu alaikum

Najwa & Nadira

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