Ask M2M: What age to get married?

This week's Ask M2M question is from Sherika.

Q: What do you think is a great age to get married? I was curious because I am 18 years old and I start University this fall as a freshman. I sometimes worry that I may not wait long enough to my wedding night. I do not know what to do. I am a very independent-minded girl and I want to to depend on my own for a while; however, I do not want to fall into sin and make any mistakes. I will be studying in a new city, so I do not know how the Muslim men are there. The ones I do know are not faithful at all. So, what should I do? Also, what could I do to keep sin away form me and off my mind?

A: Shukran for your question Sherika. Marriage is very important and alhamdulilah it completes half of our deen. We understand the desire to complete school and be an "independent" woman, however, if you feel that you would fall into sin, we advise you to get married as soon as possible. If you have found someone who would be a good match for you, you should marry them if you feel you would not be able to wait until you get married. Three things that you rush into to are marriage, shahaadah and burial.

If you do decide to get married, it is also important to mention that marriage is a major decision and it's not something to be taken lightly. If you get married you will have to be in school (which is a lot to handle by itself), be a wife and maybe even a mother. This would be a lot for any woman to deal with especially a young woman such as yourself.

We advise that you make istakhara prayer for guidance on whether or not to get married soon and also to fast in order to help you lower your gaze.

"O young people! Whoever among you can marry, should marry, because it helps him lower his gaze and guard his modesty (i.e. his private parts from committing illegal sexual intercourse etc.), and whoever is not able to marry, should fast, as fasting diminishes his sexual power." (Bukhari)

As usual share your comments, opinions and/or naseeha(advice)!!!

Asalaamu alaikum

Najwa & Nadira

Ask M2M: Modest Exercise Clothes

This week's Ask M2M/Suggestion is from Leanne.

Q: Salaam girls!!!! Hope you are both doing well (and surviving this horrible Southern heat!) . For the last year or so I have been preparing for the Peachtree Rd Race this coming Sunday(my first timing running it and I am scared out of my mind 6 miles is a long way!). I am by no means I skinny athletic person but it was a personal challenge I wanted to do. This weekend I spent hours upon hours searching for an outfit that would not only be modest but somewhat cute (I feel self esteem plays an important role in our lives if we look sloppy then our attitude will be sloppy ;-). I finally decided on a flared yoga pant with a tennis skort over it with a turquoise top. I was just wondering if ya'll could do something on athletic wear for outside the home or even working out in general (be it at home, the gym, etc.). When I first converted I never imagined I could go running outside b/c I had nothing to wear that was appropriate (gym clothes are def not modest! LOL) Anyways, I just wanted to give ya'll the suggestion.

A: Alhamdulilah!!! We are doing are best to stay cool in this heat. = ) We are so happy that you asked/suggested this. One, because it's important that we know that just because were Muslimahs doesn't mean that our lives stop. If you are a new shahaadah it's important to know that observing hijab doesn't limit your life. If anything it enables you to be dressed appropriately so that your comfortable to swim, run and be active. Two, because it's important that we stay fit and healthy. A good website to check out is FitMuslimah. There are lots of articles, recipes and events on this website to help support and encourage a healthy lifestyle.

Your outfit sounds super cute and modest. Here are a few items that can work for every Muslimah depending upon what you would be most comfortable in. The race is today and insha' Allah you do well and stay cool in the summer heat (it's supposed to be 88 degrees today).

***Click the images for more info***

Sporty Abaya

Pants w/ detachable Skirt

Sporty Dress Top

Long Sleeve Hoodie

Queedom Hijabs

Comment and let us know what you think about these pieces. What do you wear to work in out? Would you wear any of these? Where do you buy your work out gear from?

Be Healthy and Fit!!!

Asalaamu alaikum

Najwa & Nadira

Ask M2M: Muslimah Judge???

This weeks Ask M2M is from Shereece.

Q: I was recently told by a friend of mine that Islamically women can't be judges in a court of law. If this is true what is the reasoning behind it? And what are the rulings regarding the Law Enforcement field? Is it permissible (Islamically) for Muslimahs to be attorneys, judges, police officers etc?

A: Shukran for the question Shereece. The most important part of you question is asking from the Islamic ruling on it. This would mean that your question would be based upon Sharia (Islamic law). Sharia is not a legal system like any other present day system. You would not have seen a judge, plaintiff, jury, etc. during the time of the Prophet(saw). Whether they were male/female. Most Islamic countries do not have Sharia in place and practice other forms of legal systems where religion and state are separate.

Some say that it is forbidden based on the following hadith.

It was narrated that Abu Bakrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: When the Messenger of Allaah (saw) heard that the people of Persia had appointed the daughter of Chosroes as their ruler, he said: “No people will ever prosper who appoint a woman in charge of their affairs.” Bukhaari (4425).

Because of this some say that women are not not allowed to be judges/hold positions of power. However, Muslimahs have held many positions of power and influence throughout history to date. To name a few Muslim women who have held or are currently in positions of power.

Sheikha Luban Al-Qasimi, minister of the economy in the United Arab Emirates*

In March 2007, the Supreme Judicial Council of Egypt, the country's highest court, chose 31 women to be judges, 30 of whom now work at courts around Egypt.*

Ifat Nawaz, lawyer/president of Muslim association of Lawyers(UK)**

&

Councillor Salma Yaqoob, Birmingham City Council(UK)**

* Forbes Muslim Women in Charge
**Muslim Women Power List 2009

-As always, we are not scholars and Allah knows best.

Insha' Allah if you have a question send it to mail@muslimah2muslimah.com with the subject Ask M2M

Asalaamu alaikum

Nadira & Najwa

Ask M2M: Hair Care

This week's Ask M2M question is from Yasirah.

Q: I'm an African American Muslimah and i am always at odds wit my hair when it comes to making ghusl and wudu on a regular basis .. i was wondering what would be the best hair style for me to keep my hair healthy as it endures the constant wetness?

A: Shukran for you question Yasirah. Unfortunately hair is not something that we talk about often but it is definitely an important topic worth covering. If you have curly, kinky or wavy hair texture it seems that a natural hair style(meaning no chemicals/straightening) may be the best and most practical way to go. We say this because between wudu and ghusl your hair is going to splashed or maybe even drenched in water everyday.

Natural styles are easy to manage and you don't waste a lot of time on straightening your hair just to have it snap right back after it gets wet. You will also see the health of your improve as well as the length, insha' Allah. Some natural options are:


dread locks


twists


braids(with your hair only, no extensions)


wash and go


and many other styles


Insha' Allah if you have a question send it to mail@muslimah2muslimah.com with the subject Ask M2M

Insha' Allah this has been helpful,

Asalaamu alaikum

Nadira & Najwa

Ask M2M: Do I have to cover in front of him?

This weeks question Ask M2M is from Tahirah.


Q: Alhamdulilah I recently got married and I spend a lot of time around my in laws. My brother in law and his wife come over often and I wanted to know if I have to wear hijab around him since we are family now?

A: Shukran for asking this question Tahirah. We do have a tendency to get comfortable with family members and think that it is okay to uncover in front of them as long as they are family. You don't have to cover in front of any man who is your mahram. Mahram is one with whom marriage is permanently unlawful.

This (permanent prohibition of marriage) is established in three ways: By kinship, foster relationship and relationship through marriage. Your brother in law is lawful for you in marriage and does not become your mahram through marriage.

Forbidden to you (for marriage) are: your mothers, your daughters, your sisters, your father’s sisters, your mother’s sisters, your brother’s daughters, your sister’s daughters, your foster mothers who gave you suck, your foster milk suckling sisters, your wives’ mothers, your stepdaughters under your guardianship, born of your wives to whom you have gone in — but there is no sin on you if you have not gone in them (to marry their daughters), — the wives of your sons who (spring) from your own loins, and two sisters in wedlock at the same time, except for what has already passed; verily, Allaah is Oft‑Forgiving, Most Merciful. [al-Nisa’ 4:23]

To sum it up here is a list of men who would be a mahram for a women:

• your father in law
  

• your sons, grand sons...as they go down. ( i.e, great grandson) those by blood or breast feeding

• your father, grand father, as they go up. (i.e, great grand father..etc) those by blood or breast feeding

• your brothers, half brothers (related by blood) and your brothers from breast feeding and nephews as they go down

• your uncles- great uncles (mother's or father's brothers i.e, maternal and paternal) those by blood and those by breast feeding

• your father in law- your son in law - the son of your husband.

So to answer your question Tahirah, yes, you do have to wear hijab in front of your brother in law. May Allah make it easy for you - ameen.

If you have a question send it to mail@muslimah2muslimah.com with the subject Ask M2M.

Asalaamu alaikum

Nadira & Najwa

Ask M2M: One or Two Piece Hijab???

This week's question is from Yasirah.

Q: I have a question about Hijab! I find it easier to wear the one pieces instead of the actual scarves. I'm still learning how to actually wear the scarves but because I'm always in and out i feel its easier to just pull over the one piece hijab and wear it like that. I'm 20 years old and i usually see most Muslimahs with scarves and not the pull over type that's easy for me. My question is, is the pull over hijab too young? Is it mostly for younger Muslimahs? I don't wanna make it look like i don't wanna take out the time to put on a real scarf, but to me a pull over hijab is easier. Thanks for the help sisters


A: Shukran for the question Yasirah. As long as you are wearing hijab properly than that's all that matters. If you like the one pieces and they work for you then keep wearing them. We don't think that they are for a certain age group, as long as you are comfortable you can continue to wear your one piece hijabs in every single color you can get your hands on.

If you would like to switch it up, we do have a HIjab How To video that has a simple way to wear a scarf that you can do in less than a minute. Here is the link to the video and it's the green hijab style. Insha' Allah this has been helpful.


Insha' Allah if you have a question send it to mail@muslimah2muslimah.com with the subject Ask M2M

Asalaamu alaikum

Nadira & Najwa

Ask M2M: Can a Muslimah wear heels?

This weeks question is from two sisters

Shadonna asks:
Q: I've been told we as muslimahs are not to wear our feet out is this true? Are we allowed to wear heels(pumps,wedges)?

&

Sabeera asks:
Q: I and some sisters have a question about women wearing our feet out without covering your feet? Do you have to cover your feet?

A: We do our best to answer all questions. If there is a question we don't know the answer to we will do our best to provide daleel(Quran & Hadith) to answer the question. We have found the following information.

Scholars have differed regarding the feet of the woman: are they awrah in salah, or outside salah, or both or neither?


The Prophet (saw) was asked, when he mentioned the prohibition of dragging the lower garment, about what women should do with the ends of their garments. He said, ' They should extend them a span.' Umm Salamah said, 'Then, their feet will be uncovered!' He said, ' Then, they should extend them a cubit, not exceeding that.'
[ Tirmidhi ]

As far as wearing heels for the second part of Shadonna's questions;

And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty; that they should not display their adornments (charms, or beauty and ornaments) except what (must ordinarily) appear thereof; that they should draw their khimar (veils) over their bosoms and not display their adornments except to their husbands, their fathers .... and that they should not strike their feet so as to draw attention to their hidden (ornaments). (24:31-32)

Part of the reasoning behind heels being haram is that they make noise, flats can also make noise depending upon how one is walking in them/what the sole is made of.
It has also been said that wearing heels is dangerous for women because we may fall, they change the way we walk (making it more enticing to men )and they can also be a form of deceit making yourself look taller.
Narrated by Abu Sa’eed Al Khudri, Allah’s Apostle said :"A Jewish woman used to put two wooden legs to lengthen her shoes, so that no one could recognise her, for she was very short.”

As for M2M, we are very tall so we don't really wear heels, but when we have, we never fell or found ourselves to be in great danger because of them. It is possible that wearing heels can make your walk more enticing but if you don't know how to walk in them it can also make you look crazy. And as far as it being a form of deceit, where do you draw the line? A sneaker will usually give you a inch of height, so is that haram as well?

What it boils down to is your intentions when and/if you wear heels or shoes with height. Are you trying to put yourself in harms way, entice men or be deceitful? If you're wearing lime green six inch heels than you are most likely doing it to seek attention. There are plenty of super cute flats that are available that can be worn in place of heels. It's best to avoid anything that is a doubtful manner. Also, remember that intentions count for a lot when it comes to certain issues.

Allahu alum(Allah knows best)




Asalaamu alaikum

Nadira & Najwa

Ask M2M: Wait to Wear Hijab???

Sorry for delay in posting this weeks question. If you have a question send it to mail@muslimah2muslimah.com and it might be your question we answer on Sunday.

Our first Ask M2M question is from Kamilah, she asks:

Q: I'm 16 and was planning on waiting till marriage to wear a hijab, is that wrong?

A: Alhamdulilah we are happy to hear that you plan on wearing hijab. With that said you want to start observing hijab right away. You should start wearing hijab when you reach puberty. Abu Dawood narrates that `Aishah (raa) said: "Asmaa' the daughter of Abu Bakr (raa) came to see the Messenger of Allah (saw) wearing a thin dress; so Allah's Messenger (saw) turned away from her and said: O Asmaa', once a woman reaches the age of menstruation, no part of her body should be seen but this and that" and he pointed to his face and hands.

We have to be mindful that everything we do in this life should be fisibilillah(for the sake of Allah). Insha' Allah start wearing hijab now because it's what we are commanded to do by Allah(swt) as Muslimahs. You don't want to wait and do it because your married/for your husband.

Hijab is a source of protection for Muslimahs and it's something that once you start wearing it you will never want to go back. A good rule of thumb is to dress how you do for salah(prayer) all the time. If you cover for salah/to go to the masjid then this is how we should dress at all times.

May Allah make wearing hijab easy for you and all muslimahs - ameen

As usual any comments and words of advice/encouragement are welcome!!!

Asalaamu alaikum

Nadira & Najwa

Ask M2M

Insha' Allah this we be a new feature we will do every Sunday, starting May 23rd, 2010. If you have a question that we haven't covered yet i.e salah, fasting, hijab, Ramadan, marriage, etc. this is your opportunity to ask us. You can also send us questions if you have a specific question for either Nadira or Najwa. Send us an email to mail@muslimah2muslimah.com with the subject of Ask M2M. If you want to remain anonymous just let us know when you send the email.

Happy Question Asking!!!
Asalaamu alaikum
Nadira & Najwa